Fireflies WAS Number 1

Fireflies, the, um, hit song by Owl City featuring surely heterosexual Adam Young, is now is at number 2 on the Billboard Hot 100. This still makes me weep for the state of society. I think it’s It’s the queerest song ever written or recorded, and I lived through the 80s. The only thing worse than the song itself is the video. Link to that here.

If you value your dignity and don’t want to watch, just check out the video description from Wikipedia:

The music video features Adam Young playing the song on his synthesizer in a toy-filled bedroom, where most of the toys (including an astronaut, toy cars, and a blimp) come to life.

This guy should change the name of his band from “Owl City” to “I stick things I find around the house up my ass.”  I got curious as to who could sound this fruity on a recording, so I looked the dude up.
Now it makes sense.

Look at him. He looks like some sort of pedophiliac Peter Pan. Peter Pan flies around with a fairy all day and could probably still kick this guy’s ass, and I’ll even give Adam Young a trident and a firearm just to make it interesting. But in order to fight, he’d have to take time out of his busy schedule, which by the looks of it involves hanging around the swingset by a windowless van holding a bag of lollypops.

Notre Dame Needs a New Coach

Based on some recent events, it looks like Notre Dame may need a new couch coach.  After Chastity Bono's sex change (she's Chaz now), she may be the perfect candidate.  Nobody would even notice.

What the Hell Happened to Vampires??

So the new Twilight movie came out last weekend, and GOOD GOD what happened to vampires? These guys were original badasses, and now this fairy floats through and captures the hearts and vaginas of every chick out there. Years of crafting the perfect, scary, undead kick-your-ass-and-hand-it-to-you killing machine ruined by some waify little pansy. THESE DUDES USED TO BITE YOU AND SUCK YOUR BLOOD. This dude looks like if he gets mad at you, he might call you the c-word, then go home and cut himself listening to Fiona Apple.

Look at the pictures below.  Look at what they used to be...Nosferatu is scary as hell and he didn’t even talk. Gary Oldman in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” kicked serious ass, even though he looks like he’s wearing Madonna’s cone bra on his head. Blade said things like

“Safety's off, round's already chambered. Silver hollowpoint filled with garlic. You aim for the head or the heart. Anything else, is your ass.”

And BLACULA calmy said,

“I'm sorry, I don't have any 'bread' on me, and as for 'kicking my ass' I'd strongly suggest you give it careful consideration before trying.”

These last two quotes are so bad ass. Look at Edward Cullen. He doesn’t look like a vampire, he looks like the kid who wants to stab the popular kid on “90210” with a knife in home-ec. The scariest thing he could say is “Welcome to Hot Topic, can I help you find something?”